A Good Day

25 05 2012

The 143 that flashed on my meter this afternoon holds a double meaning.
143 is a modern way of saying “I love you”, in case you didn’t know.
It’s because there’s 1 letter in “I”, 4 letters in “love, and 3 letters in “you”.

(Sidenote: disregard the clock on my meter, it’s never right).

Today I was on my senior class outing. It was at this “resort” that reminded me of a summer camp. I don’t know how to explain it. There were sports, games, swimming pools, airbrush tattoos, a lake, a DJ, and lots and lots (and lots) of food.

Lots and lots (and lots) of food means lots and lots and lots of carbs and lots and lots and lots of insulin. It’s a diabetic’s nightmare. Should I eat nachos and ice cream and popcorn and cake or low-carb snacks like, uhh, celery? I bet you’ll have no difficulty guessing what I chose.

It’s a Russian Roulette-style guessing game when it comes to eating at all-you-can-eat buffets. “I think I’ll do 20.” “40 sounds good.” “The is probably 15.”

Over the years, I’ve gotten really good at guessing, but still, every time it’s just a guess and there is a large amount of risk involved. “Is the iced tea sweetened? It tastes sweet. What if it’s a sweetener? It’s probably not.” The elongated thought processes lead to me just going with my gut (literally) and going on with my day. If I get high, I’ll get high. And I’ll correct for it.

What happens when you throw exercise into the mix? I literally spent all day at this outing on my feet. That’ll cause my blood sugars to go down. I naturally underbolus, as an instinct to prevent lows, so I’ll probably be good.

In the midst of all this, I really don’t wanna think about having diabetes. I don’t wanna act like I have diabetes. I don’t even want to have diabetes. I wish I could’ve left diabetes behind on the school bus. I don’t wanna drop everything I’m doing to test. I’m just going to hope for the best and test if I feel symptoms.

And that’s exactly what I did. Midway through the day I tested, expecting 50 mg/dL or 350 mg/dL. I was utterly, pleasantly, stunned when 143 mg/dL flashed on my meter.

Sometimes good things happen.

Today was a good day.

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Diabetes Blog Week: Day 7 ~ Diabetes Hero

20 05 2012

After staring at a blank “add a new post” page for what seems like forever, I’ve realized I have no idea who my diabetes heroes are. Every PWD I’ve met has impacted my life in some way, whether small or big.

Here’s a quote I really like from “The Moth” by Annie Dillard:

“When the people leave I never blow the candles out, and after I’m asleep they flame and burn”

Some PWD I meet make me smile, some make me cry, some make me laugh, some make me nod my head in agreement, some teach me that’s how I should be living my life, some make me realize that’s how I shouldn’t.

I’ve met people I look up to and people I absolutely don’t.

With diabetes, I’ve learned to be my own hero at times.

Have I met anyone I consider to be my hero? Maybe.

Who knows.

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Click here for a list of Diabetes Blog Week participants
Click here for a list of Day 1: Find a Friend posts
Click here for a list of Day 2: One Great Thing posts
Click here for a list of Day 3: One Thing To Improve posts
Click here for a list of Day 4: Fantasy Diabetes Device posts
Click here for a list of Day 5: What They Should Know posts
Click here for a list of Day 6: Saturday Snapshots posts
Click here for a list of Day 7: Diabetes Hero posts





Diabetes Blog Week: Day 6 ~ Saturday Snapshots

19 05 2012

Sometimes, diabetes looks like…

F R I E N D S H I P

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Diabetes Blog Week: Day 5 ~ What They Should Know

18 05 2012

I have two things to say and they sort of go hand in hand.

1.  Diabetes is harder than we make it look.
2. Diabetes is physiological and psychological.

The reason why I try to live a normal life, concealing my diabetes as much as possible is not because I am embarrassed or ashamed. It’s because I want to be happy. I don’t want diabetes to bring me down. The fact of the happy is, life is better without diabetes. I try to make it into a detail rather than let it control me. Trust me, many days I don’t want to get out of bed. Many days I want to give up. Many days I want to rip my site out and jump in the water. I don’t make it look easy to impress people. It’s not cause I want people to think diabetes isn’t a big deal. It’s not because diabetes is easy, because it sure as hell isn’t. I don’t want baggage. I want to live and be happy. It’s hard. Every single day, diabetes is hard. It complicates our lives and the lives of our loved ones. I didn’t sign up for it. I do feel pain. I experience that struggle to be perfect and the guilt of failure when I’m not. I live with the heavy burden of carrying around a chronic disease with me wherever I go. I live with the optimism that there will be a cure, but the lurking feeling of pessimism that it won’t be in my time. I long for the times that haven’t happened. I miss the things I never knew. I want it to be easy, but it’s not. I don’t want it to interfere with my life, but it does. I want to tell every passerby on the sidewalk what I go through on a daily basis when they give a perplexed look at my pump tubing. I want people to understand. I don’t want them to feel bad for me and at the same time, I do. I don’t want special treatment. I don’t want people being nice to me just because I’m sick. I just want people to simply get it and give me a break sometimes if I need it and just be there to support me. I don’t want any negative energy. I just want to be happy.

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Click here for a list of Diabetes Blog Week participants
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Diabetes Blog Week: Day 4 ~ Fantasy Diabetes Device

17 05 2012

Ok, this really isn’t a “fantasy” device because it is in the making, I suppose, but I would like to be bionic. However, I would not like to have my bionic organs on the outside. I’d like an “artificial pancreas” that is implanted into our bodies through some sort of surgical process.

This bionic organ will be able to detect the food we consume as it enters our mouths, exercise patterns, changes in mood, etc. Basically anything that affects blood sugar will be detected by the sensors in this bionic pancreas and taken care of via insulin and glucose.

Diabetes will no longer be on us. We would no longer have to “manage” our disease. Our A1C’s will be perfect and we won’t be held responsible for being in poor health. We will just be living with the disease instead of trying to control it ourselves. The bionic pancreas will be flawless and it will adjust to work with the body of the individual that it is in.

Some minor side effects reported include mind control.

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Click here for a list of Diabetes Blog Week participants
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Click here for a list of Day 4: Fantasy Diabetes Device posts





‘…oh yeah…’

17 05 2012

Once I became open about having diabetes, circa freshman year, I accidently started assuming that everyone just knows I have diabetes. A blessing and a curse about diabetes is that you don’t wear it on your sleeve. For the most part, diabetes is pretty easy to conceal, so people don’t frequently look at you and think something’s wrong with you. There are many exceptions to this statement though, such as a very visible insulin pump + tubing, giving an injection in public, pricking your finger, going low in public, etc. But that’s besides the point. It can be a curse at times too, because people like to think that life with diabetes is pretty easy to manage if there aren’t visible signs of “disease”. But that’s even more off topic.

Today I had to take 2 advanced placement exams, back to back. I met with my guidance counselor last week to discuss my accommodations. She said they would be the same as they were for SATs. Surprisingly enough, I didn’t have any accommodations for SATs. I was sure as hell lucky that nothing happened diabetes-wise during the SATs because I would’ve been screwed. She asked if I needed extra time or needed to split the 2 tests up, by taking the second one on a make-up day. I didn’t need either of those things. (And the whole extra time issue is an entirely different blog post waiting to be written). All I needed was to ensure that I’m allowed ample bathroom breaks and food & water in the classroom.

Turns out the AP organization doesn’t allow any special treatment for students with needs. So if I did need extra time, I wouldn’t have gotten it anyway. She did say, however, that I am able to have food & water with me in the classroom while other students are not, I can have my diabetes supplies with me, and I am allowed to use the bathroom.

I show up this morning (7:30 yuck) and outside of the classrooms set aside for testing,  there are areas to put your backpacks and boxes to put food and beverages in. I bring all my stuff in with me. I’m used to being the odd one out due to diabetes so it’s no big deal. When the proctor’s reading the rules and regulations, one of them is no food, drinks, or backpacks allowed in the classroom and anyone who has any of those things should put them in the hall now.

Then he looks at me.

“I’m diabetic.”

“Well everyone else put their bags outside.”

“I need my stuff with me.”

“Ok.”

We didn’t get into a huge fight, which I was anticipating the moment his eyes met mine. He didn’t argue with me. I didn’t have to tell him I have a 504.

It just ended there.

At the end of the test, he apologized and said he was glad I told him and spoke up for myself.

He was just doing his job. It wasn’t hurtful. He just didn’t know. Guidance hadn’t written a note to the proctor that there’d be a diabetic student in the classroom who has accommodations.

So it goes.





Diabetes Blog Week: Day 3 ~ One Thing To Improve

16 05 2012

Ok, here we go. Time for something cliche. You’ve been thoroughly warned.

My diabetes management is far from perfect. In  fact, I wing it most of the time. It’s really the only way you can deal with all the unpredictability. I do a pretty decent job at managing my diabetes, so that’s not my concern. Yes, I can always to better, but it’s not my main concern. I officially survived puberty with D, so it can only go up from here. My A1C has been a consistent 7.1 for an entire year, so that’s not what I’m worrying about.  There’s always small things to improve. Yes, I should test more often. Yes, I have it in me to bring my A1C down to a 6. But I do have a life and I don’t intend on wasting it trying to be a “perfect” diabetic.

The one thing I need to improve on is my attitude. I need to stop cursing in the air and just deal with it. It’s apart of me and it’s apart of my life. I can’t keep running from my own shadow, because I’ll only end up exhausted and unsuccessful. I need to turn my negative thoughts into positive ones or, rather, block out negative thoughts by consuming myself with positive thoughts that are not D-related at all. There is a side effect to that. If I stop focusing on the negatives, I could be in denial and then my D-management will go out of control which won’t be good at all. It’s a tricky balance of caring too much vs. caring too little about diabetes. The ideal way to make this improvement is to eliminate thoughts and feelings towards D and just put forth actions. I shouldn’t have to think about D at all in my day-to-day life. I should just act.

Why else would I have a blog? 😉 I need to teach myself that if I’m stressed out about diabetes, I should just take a deep breath and blog about it later.

Sidenote: I have Advanced Placement Micro and Macro Economic exams tomorrow from 7 am to 4 pm (yikes!) I am very scatter-brained at the moment, so this post is not eloquently written or proofread whatsoever. So sorry. My upcoming DBlog Week posts will be better. 

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Click here for a list of Diabetes Blog Week participants
Click here for a list of Day 1: Find a Friend posts
Click here for a list of Day 2: One Great Thing posts
Click here for a list of Day 3: One Thing To Improve posts