Diabetes Blog Week: Day 5 ~ What They Should Know

18 05 2012

I have two things to say and they sort of go hand in hand.

1.  Diabetes is harder than we make it look.
2. Diabetes is physiological and psychological.

The reason why I try to live a normal life, concealing my diabetes as much as possible is not because I am embarrassed or ashamed. It’s because I want to be happy. I don’t want diabetes to bring me down. The fact of the happy is, life is better without diabetes. I try to make it into a detail rather than let it control me. Trust me, many days I don’t want to get out of bed. Many days I want to give up. Many days I want to rip my site out and jump in the water. I don’t make it look easy to impress people. It’s not cause I want people to think diabetes isn’t a big deal. It’s not because diabetes is easy, because it sure as hell isn’t. I don’t want baggage. I want to live and be happy. It’s hard. Every single day, diabetes is hard. It complicates our lives and the lives of our loved ones. I didn’t sign up for it. I do feel pain. I experience that struggle to be perfect and the guilt of failure when I’m not. I live with the heavy burden of carrying around a chronic disease with me wherever I go. I live with the optimism that there will be a cure, but the lurking feeling of pessimism that it won’t be in my time. I long for the times that haven’t happened. I miss the things I never knew. I want it to be easy, but it’s not. I don’t want it to interfere with my life, but it does. I want to tell every passerby on the sidewalk what I go through on a daily basis when they give a perplexed look at my pump tubing. I want people to understand. I don’t want them to feel bad for me and at the same time, I do. I don’t want special treatment. I don’t want people being nice to me just because I’m sick. I just want people to simply get it and give me a break sometimes if I need it and just be there to support me. I don’t want any negative energy. I just want to be happy.

___________________________________________________________

Click here for a list of Diabetes Blog Week participants
Click here for a list of Day 1: Find a Friend posts
Click here for a list of Day 2: One Great Thing posts
Click here for a list of Day 3: One Thing To Improve posts
Click here for a list of Day 4: Fantasy Diabetes Device posts
Click here for a list of Day 5: What They Should Know posts

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